We often hear it said, "overcome people", or "stop being a people-pleaser"... but what's really the big deal about wanting to make others happy?? At the core, a people-pleaser is someone that wants to please others, and I'll admit that growing up I really had it bad! People would always come to me with all sorts of requests, and I just about always said yes regardless if it meant increasing the workload for myself. Hey, in my mind I had a huge heart and just wanted to do good by people. As Christians, we are called to love our neighbors and display kindness, but the issue comes when responding to these requests are usually at the expense of his/her own needs. SO, the root of the behaviors of a people-pleaser is fear. For some, they fear rejection-- that they won't be liked by others or have friends if they don't follow through. For others-- which I was guilty of-- was the fear that others would perceive them falsely (thinking they are selfish or mean). Thank God for growth!
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. [Galatians 1:10]
So let's talk about a few tips that you can use to overcome people-pleasing:
Be confident in who you are, and then the opinions of others will matter less. Our goal is to please God, not man-- He is our source!
Learn to say no! This one is key. Setting limitations for yourself is a vital part of self-care and will save yourself tons of regret and suffering in the long run!
Encourage yourself. Yep, pat yourself on the back and learn to esteem yourself. This will help you to develop a better sense of self and you won't have to depend on the validation of others to propel you forward.
Here's a test for you: The next few decisions you have to make, if you find yourself immediately thinking "what will others think/say about me?" refer back to the tips above! It's time to OVERCOME!!